We All Have Inner Wounds: Why Acknowledging Them is the First Step to Healing

Childhood experiences profoundly shape the way we navigate relationships in adulthood. One of the most pervasive and deeply rooted wounds is that of childhood abandonment. Whether caused by the physical absence of a caregiver, emotional neglect, or inconsistent caregiving, abandonment wounds can cast long shadows on relationships with children, romantic partners, spouses, and friends. Fortunately, somatic therapies offer a powerful avenue for healing, helping individuals reconnect with their bodies, process unresolved trauma, and cultivate healthier relationships.

The Ripple Effect of Childhood Abandonment Wounds

1. Impact on Parenting

Parents with unresolved abandonment wounds may unknowingly project their fears and insecurities onto their children. These wounds can manifest as:

• Overprotection: Fear of abandonment can lead to being overly controlling or protective, creating a stifling environment for children.

• Emotional Distance: Some may struggle to form deep emotional connections with their children, fearing vulnerability or rejection.

• Reactiveness: Unprocessed trauma can trigger irritability or disproportionate emotional reactions to minor issues, straining the parent-child bond.

For example, a parent who experienced emotional neglect might struggle to validate their child’s emotions, perpetuating a cycle of disconnection. Children may internalize this as a lack of care, setting the stage for their own relational challenges in the future.

2. Impact on Romantic Relationships

Abandonment wounds often manifest as attachment issues in romantic relationships, such as:

• Fear of Rejection: A deep-seated fear of being left can lead to clinginess, jealousy, or excessive people-pleasing.

• Emotional Avoidance: To protect themselves from potential hurt, individuals might shut down emotionally or avoid intimacy altogether.

• Conflict Escalation: Old wounds can resurface during disagreements, amplifying fears and leading to disproportionate arguments.

For instance, a partner’s delayed text or a minor disagreement might trigger feelings of being unloved or unwanted, causing disproportionate anxiety and conflict.

3. Impact on Friendships

Friendships can also be affected by abandonment wounds. Individuals may:

• Struggle to trust others, fearing betrayal or rejection.

• Avoid vulnerability, keeping relationships superficial to minimize risk.

• Exhibit people-pleasing tendencies, prioritizing others' needs over their own to maintain connection.

These patterns can result in an inability to form or sustain meaningful friendships, leaving individuals feeling isolated and misunderstood.

4. Impact on Marriage or Long-Term Partnerships

In marriages or long-term partnerships, abandonment wounds can manifest as fear-driven behaviors, such as excessive dependency, frequent arguments, or a persistent sense of dissatisfaction. Partners may feel burdened by the unspoken expectations to "fill the void" left by past experiences, leading to tension and emotional exhaustion.

Why Childhood Abandonment Wounds Persist

Abandonment trauma often lives in the body. When a child feels abandoned, their nervous system registers this as a survival threat. This triggers a fight, flight, freeze, or fawn response that becomes embedded in their physiology. As adults, these patterns resurface during moments of perceived rejection or disconnection, even when the threat is no longer present. Without intervention, these automatic responses can drive unhealthy relational dynamics.

The Healing Power of Somatic Therapies

Somatic therapies address the physical and emotional imprints of trauma by working with the body, not just the mind. Here’s how they can help individuals heal abandonment wounds and foster healthier relationships:

1. Reconnecting with the Body

Somatic therapies emphasize body awareness, helping individuals identify where they hold tension, pain, or discomfort associated with abandonment. This awareness is the first step in releasing stored trauma and learning to regulate emotional responses.

For example, a client might notice a tightening in their chest or a knot in their stomach during moments of relational anxiety. By learning to tune into these sensations, they can begin to address the underlying fear rather than reacting impulsively.

2. Regulating the Nervous System

Techniques such as breathwork, grounding exercises, and mindful movement help calm an overactive nervous system. This is particularly important for individuals whose abandonment wounds have left them in a chronic state of hypervigilance or emotional overwhelm.

By creating a sense of safety within the body, individuals can respond to relational challenges with greater clarity and calmness.

3. Healing Through Movement

Trauma often becomes "stuck" in the body, leading to patterns of physical and emotional rigidity. Movement-based somatic practices like yoga, dance, or somatic experiencing encourage the release of pent-up energy and emotions, fostering a sense of freedom and empowerment.

4. Building Emotional Resilience

Somatic therapies teach individuals how to stay present with difficult emotions without becoming overwhelmed. This capacity to "sit with" emotions strengthens resilience and helps individuals break free from reactive patterns rooted in abandonment trauma.

For example, a somatic therapist might guide a client to stay present with the sensation of sadness or fear, encouraging them to explore it with curiosity rather than avoidance. Over time, this practice helps dissolve the intensity of the emotion and fosters a sense of mastery.

5. Fostering Authentic Connection

By addressing the somatic imprints of abandonment, individuals can develop a greater capacity for vulnerability and trust. This paves the way for deeper, more authentic connections with children, partners, and friends.

Practical Steps to Begin Healing

If you resonate with the impact of childhood abandonment wounds, consider the following steps:

1. Seek Somatic Therapy: Work with a trained somatic therapist who can guide you through body-based healing practices tailored to your needs.

2. Practice Mindfulness: Engage in daily mindfulness practices to cultivate body awareness and emotional presence. Engage in somatic guided meditations, which can be found on Youtube

3. Prioritize Self-Care: Create routines that nurture your physical and emotional well-being, such as regular exercise, healthy eating, and adequate rest.

4. Journal Your Emotions: Writing about your experiences can help you identify patterns and gain clarity about your triggers and responses. *This does not work for everyone. Journaling can also lead to more intellectualization, a defense mechanism, and leads to further avoidance of feelings your emotions. If you notice your journaling leads to more anxiety, avoidance, and/or you just notice it does NOT seem to provide catharsis or helpful insight, you might engage in somatic guided meditations aimed and noticing emotions. You can also speak with a therapist, mental health coach, and/or counselor about possible intellectualization.

5. Communicate Openly: Share your journey with trusted loved ones, fostering mutual understanding and support.

Moving Forward

Healing from childhood abandonment wounds is a journey, but it’s one that can lead to profound transformation. By addressing the root causes of relational challenges and reconnecting with your body through somatic therapies, you can break free from old patterns and build healthier, more fulfilling relationships. Whether it’s deepening your bond with your children, creating a thriving partnership, or forming authentic friendships, the path to healing begins with honoring your story and taking empowered steps toward change.

If you're a women living in Missouri or Utah and you want to get to the ROOT of your abandonment wound, metabolize and RELEASE this wound, and become more empowered, present, and confident version of yourself, visit my website to learn more about Virtual Somatic and EMDR Psychotherapy with ME!